I'm struggling with this lately. explain to me why you're doing what you're doing and why your reasons are sufficient to dedicate your life to something. I'll post more about myself later.
I'm doing business school, so that I can go into investment banking. I want to do this for financial freedom, learn a lot about the capital markets and finance, and be able to work in many different sectors after a few years of really tough work. I haven't found anything that I am this dedicated to/interested in so far in my life (I've been working at this goal for five years now, without anyone goading me on). Just the fact that no one else has pushed me to do this is substantial enough for me to stay on track.
I'm sick of the education system and I look forward to the time when I can use more of my time to personal education. I'm not sure what I am going to dedicate my life to. This is a short term (5-10 year) plan, short enough that I am comfortable with it.
I'm sick of the education system and I look forward to the time when I can use more of my time to personal education. I'm not sure what I am going to dedicate my life to. This is a short term (5-10 year) plan, short enough that I am comfortable with it.
Right now I am just enjoying life. I'm going to parties, getting outside, and like i said enjoying life because i know that I wont be able to do as much of this in a couple years once my degree is complete.
I'm getting a degree in Information Technology which will allow me to possibly do a couple things in life. 1. enter PACS administration or 2. get masters in Network Security. I have always loved things such as troubleshooting and problem solving and after doing my internship I found that PACS administration really satisfies those loves and made me want to keep going back and not dread the job. I've also had a fondness with network security and all the things associated with it. It's one degree that teaches thoroughly on the attacking and defending and also with a degree in network security it will give me a broader range of jobs and cities to work in.
I'm getting a degree in Information Technology which will allow me to possibly do a couple things in life. 1. enter PACS administration or 2. get masters in Network Security. I have always loved things such as troubleshooting and problem solving and after doing my internship I found that PACS administration really satisfies those loves and made me want to keep going back and not dread the job. I've also had a fondness with network security and all the things associated with it. It's one degree that teaches thoroughly on the attacking and defending and also with a degree in network security it will give me a broader range of jobs and cities to work in.
so here are the main issues I consider when thinking about this:
1. ability: do I think I'll be able to accomplish anything in the field? this comes into play a lot because I have ambitious thoughts. a big part of me wants to be well-recognized in the field I go into and do work that is important in the grand scheme of things. I'm really interested in, for example, physics. am I capable of doing significant work in this field? am I underestimating myself and being scared or am I being realistic?
aside: is this even a worthwhile desire or should I be happy with doing something worthwhile—whatever that means—and not necessarily being famous or any of that?
2. desire: how much of a desire do I have to pursue a career in a field? like I said before, I'm ambitious, so the things I consider often would require a lot of work: medical school, law school, etc. am I sufficiently motivated and interested to put in the required work?
3. enjoyment: is it enough to just enjoy a field? I have a strong sense of social responsibility and have always wanted to make big changes in the world. how do I weigh this against how much I enjoy the work? my thoughts right now are that I should find something that I enjoy doing and then figure out a way to put that to use in a socially effective way.
of course that would require having a realistic sense of a career that I might enjoy.
sigh.
1. ability: do I think I'll be able to accomplish anything in the field? this comes into play a lot because I have ambitious thoughts. a big part of me wants to be well-recognized in the field I go into and do work that is important in the grand scheme of things. I'm really interested in, for example, physics. am I capable of doing significant work in this field? am I underestimating myself and being scared or am I being realistic?
aside: is this even a worthwhile desire or should I be happy with doing something worthwhile—whatever that means—and not necessarily being famous or any of that?
2. desire: how much of a desire do I have to pursue a career in a field? like I said before, I'm ambitious, so the things I consider often would require a lot of work: medical school, law school, etc. am I sufficiently motivated and interested to put in the required work?
3. enjoyment: is it enough to just enjoy a field? I have a strong sense of social responsibility and have always wanted to make big changes in the world. how do I weigh this against how much I enjoy the work? my thoughts right now are that I should find something that I enjoy doing and then figure out a way to put that to use in a socially effective way.
of course that would require having a realistic sense of a career that I might enjoy.
sigh.
I make movies because I love doing it, even when I get only 3-4 hours of sleep a night, spend 15 hours a day in front of a computer trying to make something not suck, and when I end up chain smoking two packs on set. It's the only thing I can see myself doing and be a happy person. Also, I'm not terrible at it, which is saying something I suppose. When I do end up finishing something, I never look at it and cringe ... and other people don't either, which is always good. :)
perhaps part of the cause of the recent vacuum and nihilism and death of the motivated larz was the death of her. i lost her. i […] had no one else really emotionally tied to me, so i had no motivation. i had no muse. this implies that sufjan was right: ``i did everything for you.'' as i've said before, this is a double entendre. it can mean either that everything that was done for you was done by me or that everything that i did i did for you. and so i clarify: everything i did, i did for you.
thus, her name is καλλιόπη. unfortunately, καλλιόπη is a σειρήν of φιλοσοφία. so drown me. and, of course, if she is her (if she is καλλιόπη—there is but one), you'll do anything for her.
``And when I climbed mountains, whom did I always seek on the mountains, if not you?'' (nietzsche, ZIII, ``before sunrise,'' p. 164, par. 4.)
200801140209
lucas, that reminds me of another component of my search, and really of my entire life: emotional attachment. is it all meaningless if I don't have anyone—be them friends, family, or more—to share it with? is my ambition a result of a dissatisfaction with my present circumstances?
mostly unrelated, but something else I just thought of: how much is my skill or ability in an area is psychological and changeable, and how much is genetic or biological and set in stone, so to speak? if I'm not adept at something or don't feel comfortable doing it right away, is this because I'm just not 'meant' for that type of work or is it because I'm not giving myself enough of a chance to get 'good' at it?
my contemplative writing always ends up being a huge series of questions.
mostly unrelated, but something else I just thought of: how much is my skill or ability in an area is psychological and changeable, and how much is genetic or biological and set in stone, so to speak? if I'm not adept at something or don't feel comfortable doing it right away, is this because I'm just not 'meant' for that type of work or is it because I'm not giving myself enough of a chance to get 'good' at it?
my contemplative writing always ends up being a huge series of questions.
is it all meaningless if I don't have anyone—be them friends, family, or more—to share it with? is my ambition a result of a dissatisfaction with my present circumstances?
reminds me of a post by lr: http://www.thinktankforums.com/thread.php?thread_id=244
reminds me of a poem by lr: http://www.thinktankforums.com/thread.php?thread_id=1210
in fact, it reminds me of everything i've done. :(
asemi> my contemplative writing always ends up being a huge series of questions.
naturally! or in the words of kerouac, ``what else?''
in fact, it reminds me of everything i've done. :(
and so i clarify: everything i did, i did for you.
asemi> my contemplative writing always ends up being a huge series of questions.
naturally! or in the words of kerouac, ``what else?''
To asemi: Move to Houston and you won't have the emotional problem
As for me, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I am at a huge crossroads in my life right now. I'm pretty sure I can get pretty far at my current job. I have potential. However, I'm not ready at this point in my life to dedicate myself to IT. I mean, so I plan to be CCIE. WTF does that mean to anyone. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
What about my fellow heritage? I want to do something that will change America in the eyes of Mexicans/Minorities everywhere. Social change. However, I suck at everything. How the hell am I gonna accomplish this? I feel so empty.
As for me, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I am at a huge crossroads in my life right now. I'm pretty sure I can get pretty far at my current job. I have potential. However, I'm not ready at this point in my life to dedicate myself to IT. I mean, so I plan to be CCIE. WTF does that mean to anyone. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
What about my fellow heritage? I want to do something that will change America in the eyes of Mexicans/Minorities everywhere. Social change. However, I suck at everything. How the hell am I gonna accomplish this? I feel so empty.
I will be reading and responding to those two linked threads in the next day or two. not feeling any intense thinking right this minute.
I've thought about moving down to TX or something for grad school. depending on what I'm gonna do and what the schools are like down there it's definitely something I'll consider.
your last paragraph is kind of how I'm feeling, you just put it more bluntly :). I want to make big changes and do big things, I just don't know what or how.
one thing to consider is that as you move up in the business world, e.g., if you got pretty up there in the IT world, you have more power to affect change. you have more influence in your workplace to create a better environment for people of color, you have more money to donate to causes that you want to support, etc. essentially, more people will listen to you. just something to consider, I'm not saying whether or not it's the way to go.
I've thought about moving down to TX or something for grad school. depending on what I'm gonna do and what the schools are like down there it's definitely something I'll consider.
your last paragraph is kind of how I'm feeling, you just put it more bluntly :). I want to make big changes and do big things, I just don't know what or how.
one thing to consider is that as you move up in the business world, e.g., if you got pretty up there in the IT world, you have more power to affect change. you have more influence in your workplace to create a better environment for people of color, you have more money to donate to causes that you want to support, etc. essentially, more people will listen to you. just something to consider, I'm not saying whether or not it's the way to go.
gatzby:
As for me, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I am at a huge crossroads in my life right now. I'm pretty sure I can get pretty far at my current job. I have potential. However, I'm not ready at this point in my life to dedicate myself to IT. I mean, so I plan to be CCIE. WTF does that mean to anyone. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
this sounds like lack of true meaning or purpose, but plenty of ability and optimism.
gatzby:
What about my fellow heritage? I want to do something that will change America in the eyes of Mexicans/Minorities everywhere. Social change. However, I suck at everything. How the hell am I gonna accomplish this? I feel so empty.
this sounds like a true calling with meaning and purpose, but with lots of pessimism.
and as for the quote: "I mean, so I plan to be CCIE. WTF does that mean to anyone. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. […] I feel so empty." sad, but i appreciate it, because i relate.
asemi: I understand about donating to causes. But see that has the principle that throwing money at something will help fix the problem. As true as this may be, I believe I would be more satisfied with a more direct approch to the minority/immigration problem. And as for moving to grad school down here, if you do, I'll reconsider going up north for grad school.
lucas: Did you ever think about teaching? I thought you had a bachelor's in Philosophy. That was one of my dreams when I was younger. As for the "true calling", I think this is a good time to say that I got arrested by a mexican last week. Then I saw him ticket some more mexicans on the way to the court house. I know this is a just a coincidence, but it made me think about all of those self hating hispanics that frown upon people jumping the border and their own heritage. Is it worth fighting the fight? some days I convince myself to gain more knowledge everyday about WHY things are the way they are, but others I want to give up fighting. The struggle is there everyday I wake up. Hence, I am torn between defending the rights of minorities, or just using acceptance. I'm at work so I cannot really elaborate, but I'm trying to get the point across that sometimes I feel it's a useless fight, especially with the right wing influence in Texas.
lucas: Did you ever think about teaching? I thought you had a bachelor's in Philosophy. That was one of my dreams when I was younger. As for the "true calling", I think this is a good time to say that I got arrested by a mexican last week. Then I saw him ticket some more mexicans on the way to the court house. I know this is a just a coincidence, but it made me think about all of those self hating hispanics that frown upon people jumping the border and their own heritage. Is it worth fighting the fight? some days I convince myself to gain more knowledge everyday about WHY things are the way they are, but others I want to give up fighting. The struggle is there everyday I wake up. Hence, I am torn between defending the rights of minorities, or just using acceptance. I'm at work so I cannot really elaborate, but I'm trying to get the point across that sometimes I feel it's a useless fight, especially with the right wing influence in Texas.
Oh and then I also want to study all day, gamble all night. :)
I drink a lot and call people names. I find it to be somewhat fullfilling.
hey, sounds like me nny
<3 nny.
nny lol!! I was going to post something like that but I couldn't do it because everyone has their serious answers.
haha
I absolutely agree about the throwing money at a problem, gatzby. just an aspect of the situation to consider.
I just posted in those two other threads.
right now I am leaning toward education/teaching because I am passionate about it.
I just posted in those two other threads.
right now I am leaning toward education/teaching because I am passionate about it.
and on the note of ambition, one of my professors said a paper I wrote last semester, with some additions and refining, might be publishable (!).
damn.. good work!